You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
