I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
