I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
