Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
