So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
