His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
