final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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