no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
