Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
