I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
