i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
