doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
