so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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