Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
