I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
