my phone needs a breathalizer
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Randomize
