I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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