I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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