Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
