is your mom at the bar?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
