Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I love you.
Bad choice
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