It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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