i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
