thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
