Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
