I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
