she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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