first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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