can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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