I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I could fuck to npr.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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