In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize