Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
