Your dad touched me again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
