During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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