dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sobbing to NWA
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
