do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
