me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
