She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
