I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
