he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
