yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
