Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
