The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
