hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
