I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
