What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
