She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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