Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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