Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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