why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
