I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
