So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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