i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
